Get a Life!

I initially turned down the offer to join the LandThieves network. After a few days consideration, and seeing how much time people waste worrying about my successor, I bought some bark recognition software and have started my own blog here.

Many of you have wondered what I am doing since my retirement has been announced. Well, the following Saturday, the men's BB team lost to those Yankee Aggies, giving Sean Sutton his first road W since he took over for that Eddie Sutton. I told you people I was the reason for their success. Did you believe me? No. Who's laughing now?

Far too many of you have written to the Bryan college Station eagle and have put waaay too much thought into my successor. Let's check the history of Reveille...

Let's see, the first of this line was a black and white stray mutt that was hit by a car carrying several members of the Aggie band. Now, people are writing letters to the editors and even op-ed pieces about whether my successor should be a stray from the local pound or a pure bred breed of some such.

People - and I use the term loosely - this is what separates you from Longhorns and Sooners. On the Sooners message boards this time of year, they worry about the NFL draft status of the former student-athletes, 2009 recruiting, kavetch about their most recent loss and complain about the coaching staff. Someone occasionally starts a basketball thread about the good old days when Tubbs was coach and the team could score 80 points on a bad night. The Horns are talking about the good old days when Vince Young was there, arguing whether they should retire Kevin Duran't jersey for his performance in the two NCAA tourney games he played in or debating whether Matthew McConaghey looks good in an orange leather jacket. You people are worried about what breed - if any - my successor will be. Won't matter, noway she'll coach hoops like me. I'm like a canine version of Kim Mulkey.

It's like you're going to let the university become the local outpost of PETA and the ASPCA rolled into one. Pretty soon you'll be boycotting the national champion bass fishing team because it hurts the fish when you put a hook in their mouth and yank 'em out of the water.

If you really want to combine tradition with current culture, divide the band into teams, have them drive the roads around College Station with the intent of running over a dog or two. Don't try to kill 'em, just a bump to knock them down or maybe break one leg or something. The team that comes back to campus with an injured mutt - and the mutt is alive the next day - wins a subscription to Coach Fran's new newsletter wherever he coaches next, and has the knowledge that one day the dog will be buried outside of Kyle Field. So they've got that goin' for 'em. Which is nice.

I'll keep you all posted on my status when I feel like it.