I'm going to go lick myself

Because I can. It's the only way to console my sorrow. Those stupid handlers fired me - I mean announced my retirement - on February 14. Let's take a look at Aggie Men's BB since:

• Lost at HOME to Oklahoma State. The last time Oklahoma State had won a road game, Brittney Spears was sober and Eddie Sutton was drunk.
• Lost to the dread Horns in Austin 77-50. We scored 18 points in the first half. At the time, I thought that was bad.
• Lost to Nebraska - freaking Nebraska, who hadn't recovered from Tyronn Lue's departure - AT HOME in College Station.
• Beat the Sand Pirates 98-54. That felt good. A blind squirrel finds an acorn every once in a while.
• Scored TEN POINTS IN THE FIRST HALF against Oklahoma. We had a 10-9 lead with 12:51 left in the first half, but it was 3:25 into the second half before we scored another point. The Sooners didn't score themselves for five minutes in the first half, but didn't lose any ground in the process.

For those of you scoring at home, that means the Ags are 1-4 and twice have scored less than twenty points in a half during that time. Turgeon's got to pull some strings and get me a contract extension. I don't think he can do it without me.