Retirement Speech

Well, the big day is coming up fast. The handlers weren't going to let me say anything, but this blog let's me air it all out.

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for coming out today. I haven’t seen this much concern for an animal since Barbaro - strike that - Eight Belles. And I didn’t even have to go to the glue factory to get it! It’s been a mere seven years ago when I was introduced as Reveille VII. I was so nervous I nearly peed on myself! If I would have known how bad Franchione was going to suck as a football coach I would have never accepted this job.

But ignorance was bliss in those days! We didn’t know Reggie McNeal would go from leading an upset of #1 Oklahoma to smoking pot with the Cincinnati Bengals. We didn’t know Coach Fran would peak at TCU. Who’d a thunk Gary Patterson was behind all that? Who knew Billy Gillespie could coach hoops? Who knew Aggies could sport dreadlocks.

News this week is they will be replacing me with a "collie-like" dog. What the #$!#@ if a collie-like dog? As far as I know, I'm being replaced by a clone of the first mutt that was run over during the Depression. Can someone help me out here? Also, is there an editor for the paper? The story starts out, "As the semester comes to a close, Reveille VII will retire and no replacement mascot has not been decided on yet." Nice double negative. Can I get a little more love than this on my last week out.

Pardon me, I digress. Many people have written in letters wanting to know the favorite part of my tenure. So I’ve come up with a list. Here goes:

1. Beating Oklahoma in football when they were the #1 team in the nation.
2. A late night tour of the vet school in 2004. Good times.
3. Finally getting a taste of my handlers. I was so tired of those guys that day.
4. Hiring Billy Gillespie. We made an awesome team. We made the Sweet 16 in men’s BB in 2007. I can’t believe someone from Memphis actually made free throws to win a game.
5. Beating Texas football 12-7 in Austin in 2006. No, that wasn't a cheap shot on Colt McCoy. It was a love tap.
6. Making the Elite Eight in Women’s BB in 2008. Did you know the Lady Aggies have made the post season more times during my tenure than all other Reveille’s combined?

On the other hand, there are some things indelibly on my mind that will likely never be erased, until some vet gives me a little dose of lead and they park me outside Reed Arena. PLEASE DON'T LET THEM PUT ME OUTSIDE KYLE FIELD. Basketball was my sport. The record speaks for itself.

1. Norman, Oklahoma in the fall of 2003.
2. Waco, Texas, 2004
3. Going scoreless for 16 minutes and scoring 10 points in a half.

Let's not dwell any more on the negatives. It's been a nice ride.

Many of you have asked what I will do after retirement. Hopefully, someone will spot me up at a nice ranch where I can catch the occasional rabbit, and hit the motivational speaking circuit every once in a while for some extra income. Absent that, I’ll lay around, eat some, poop some, eat my poop some, and lick myself some. As George Carlin said, if you could do it, you’d never leave the house.

Some message boards have linked me with the Triump the Insult Comic in a retirement home somewhere in California. Those rumors are exactly that - rumors. However, I must admit I've had some lapses in judgment in my personal life. If I offended someone, I apologize.

I wish all you Aggies the best in your future endeavors.

Gig 'em

Reveille VII